Thursday, June 21, 2007

Not Invented Here.. and other rejections

I have been 'sitting on' this post for a few days--even before Yarn Harlot make her post of June 19th, I was waiting--cooling off..
I am not sure if I am part of the problems.. (with blogs) or part of the solution. (see Yarn Harlot's post June 19th)

I've decided, that this isn't snarky, low down or mean.

(I am open to being corrected)

When I was a kid, my mother used to complain (quite validly!) that I was the kind of child who would drive a saint to drink. (and she, she occasionally added, was no saint.)

It's true. I was --who's kidding, I remain, in many ways--headstrong, obstinate and willful.
Willful that was the worst of my many faults.

I acted on my own will--with out regard to how society had decreed I should act.

Though she no longer knits, my mother was an excellent knitter.But she was sure there was only one valid way to knit--HER's!

My mother could have been chief of the Knitting Police--And I persisted, and still do, knit combo—something that doesn't sits well with many members of the knitting police!

Not only did I hold the yarn in the wrong hand vs the RIGHT hand (--remember too, dear reader, that left handed is sinister in Latin!--)by her way of thinking, But my stitches were all mounted wrong on the needle.
I learned most of my knitting skills with out her assistance or guidance, to a large degree, as a result.

Somethings, like color work I completely taught myself. But other tricks I picked up, simply because they were the same no matter how you knit—like making cables with out a cable needle.

My mother liked cables, and often knit cabled sweaters, all made with out the benefit of a cable needle. I learned to cable watching her.. and never used a cable needle either. It wasn't till I was married, and saw my MIL using one that I understood how to use one..(and then, decided on the spot, that cabling with out cable needles was better!)

My mother was a good a lace too, but stuck to lace as part of shell, or in the yoke of sweater. Most of her knitting was practical--for years, she was forced to be practical, and when she no longer needed to be, she knit less, and bought! It is not often that lace is practical.

I used to complain my mother was ridged, and petty, and un-open to new ideas.
Alas, being a good daughter, I picked up all these qualities, even as I complained about them. It has taken me a lifetime to shed most of these behaviors. (and like deeply rooted, prolific weeds, without diligence, they would spring anew and take over again!)

I really have to work hard at curbing my instinct to insist that my way is best. Openness, acceptance does not come easily to me. Its a constant battle for me! And I have to work even harder at being civil with others who share my faults!

Isn't that always the way? The people we find most difficult to deal with are those who have the faults we find most unattractive in our selves. Those that posses the fault we most dislike in ourselves are those that we are the least tolerant of!
Right now there is a group I am at the fringes of.

I like many of the members, but.. a few self appointed leaders are being a bit contrary.
They claim the group is Open, only it seems to only be open to the current members..
They claim it is 'friendly' (but want to blackball some new members!)
They claim it is informal.. but there are strict, though unstated, “RULES” about who can and can't initiate communications.
( --image, the nerve--someone is possesion of the members of groups email address, --and only she is supposed to have and maintain the list.. and it's for her exclusive use! image her reaction when some one 'stole it'!)
They claim to be about knitting, but they seem to be all about being a closed cliché, who talk about others behind their back, and not in a nice way, and make veiled threats to “take them down” --and wanting the photo's to prove it.
It's still not clear to me if this is a total group dynamic, or a few members who feel threatened by one or anything new.(--Unless the new person or thing has been first vetted by them.)

Time will tell.
I might join the group. I might not.
Maybe the snarky remarks made about me, (publicly-- but quickly deleted) were unusual.. but I am not sure.

Maybe because I was primed, I also noticed the snarky remarks made about others--
But-- maybe the weren't as nasty and snarky as they sounded. Sometimes people get into a habit of being snarky for fun..

Don Rickles made a career out of it.. I don't think he was mean spirited.. but his humor, was black.
But trying to be a Don Rickles is a tricky thing to do.
It can be fun—but--unless done with care, it's not at all funny, it is just hurtful. And it takes a while to learn if the maker of snarky remarks is serious, (and pretending to be kidding) or if she is really kidding.

--just today, I was asked to move my shopping cart in the grocery to let someone exit (the wrong way) I SAID 'no'--with a big smile, as i was backing up.. the requester, smiled back and said 'well I won't thank you then!'

It was clear to him my No wasn't serious, and it was clear to me, he was saying thank you-- clearly I am capable of, and engage in what sounds like snarky language--so it would be so wrong for me to find fault when others do the same.. but... if i had said no, with out backing up, with out smiling..

Context is so important!


Rebel said...

Context is extremely important. I heard that something like 75% of language is completely non-verbal, so think of how much communication is lost when all you have are the words. I'm not sure where I fall on the whole debate of 'play nice' vs. 'free speech', but it is always important to remember we're in public, and anyone can read what we type & take it out of context. Something to think about for sure. - zuma

sulu-design said...

ACK! All I can say is ACK! Are you sure you want to be part of the group?

Anonymous said...

I'm lost, are you being specific or talking in general terms?

Sonya said...

Embroglios are no fun, let me tell you.

Dk's Wife said...

I am truly sad if someone/something/somebody said something derogatory about you or your work. Take care!