Thursday, May 14, 2009

Hard Work.

Many people who know me, don’t know me at all.
They only see the me I have learned to show the world.

Naturally, I am overly sensitive, quick to take offence, ornery (if not down right cranky) and the kind of person who sees the worst of a situation. I am dour and down right nasty.

A long time ago, I learned –in the way Dr Phil is always asking: How’s that working for you?—that the negative energy I was sending out, was what I was getting back—and that my negativity, made me more negative.. it was bad, for me, and for everyone around me.

So I learned to work at being positive. I work hard at being Positive- but I recognize it's less hard all the time. As I act more positive, I attract more positive energy, which helps me be (and not just act) more positive.

I work on creating a positive feed back loop..
Work at thinking positive
Get positive feedback
Feel positive about things
Use this positive energy to power positive thinking –making this an easier task.

I also try to avoid negative things—since I realize my positive feedback loop is not self sustaining. I still need to work at being positive. Not a hard I used to have to work—but I haven’t changed my life enough to be happy without effort.

It’s good.
Things in my life are no better, no worse than anyone else’s. Good things happen, bad things happen. But with a bit of effort (less now than in the past, but still effort is required) I am usually happy.

Avoiding negative stuff is the problem. Sometimes, it just can’t be avoided.

The past week (7 days) have been pretty negative.
I know I will be out of work for a while –Good news—it a furlough not firing—and it’s a short term (most likely just 1 month’s furlough)—but still it is a month with no pay (and worse, with no structure, no job to help define the days, no regular schedule.. all of which are tools that help me be positive!)

I am not looking forward to the furlough –but Good News—there are some tasks that I need to get done on work days.

I need some work done in my bathroom.. a new sink, new faucets, the walls painted, and the stuff--shelves, towel rackes, and what not, bought and borrowed, and installed hodge podge, needs to be better organized –partly to look better, partly to function better.
Getting some of the work done requires me to be home in the morning ---normally work time.. The furlough will give me the chance to get it done.  
And a spiffed up Bathroom will be a nice thing, and will make me feel good!

I have some sewing to do too.. Losing weight –(another aspect of a positive feed back loop at work) means I need to take in some clothes. Other clothes need some mending, and I have other sewing projects that want to work on..

It will be nice to have a free day to sew!—and I always feel good about completing sewing projects.. (and l will love having “new” (mended clothes) to wear (again!). 
And I have some creative sewing projects to work on--I have all the tools I need-- the thread, the fabric, the zippers and other notions--Just a few hours of time, and a collection of projects can be completed! 
More things to feed the positive feed back loop.

Then there is the general organization of my stash (and reductions of the same!)
Things always get messier before they get neater.. you have to undo the current mess before you can set up shelves and reorganize neatly--ButI know I will be happy when it is done.

There is another task I have in mind, too--Hanging some lattice panels on my brick terrace. The previous owners kids spray painted graffiti on the bricks of the terrace, and while I have obscured it, it’s virtually impossible to remove spray paint from bricks.

But vinyl lattice is not expensive, and can be mounted on furring strips (and easily removed –(since co-op rules require no permanent additions) and will make the terrace brighter (by reflecting more light) and prettier—and the lattice will further obscure the spray paint.

Which, at this point, I see, but no one else notices unless I point it out.. but there it is –a negative that annoys and irritates me.. A small thing, but one that interferes with maintaining my positive feedback loop! One that I can make go away for under $100 and a few hours of time!

Sadly—at this point (and for the past 7 days) it’s been very hard for me to be positive.

The building landlord has been ‘Improving’ –the retail space that I work in (in hopes of renting to someone else at a much higher rent!)

The improvements have including a lot of sheet rocking (and dust, dust, dust)
electricity disruptions, (Oh, I am such a slave to all things electric!) and endless noise—drilling in sheet rock screws (by the thousand) was bad.. 

But that noise got replaced by drilling (with an impact drill) holes in the ceramic tiles and concrete floor (making me wish for the simpler noise of the sheet rock screws!)

It has made it hard for me to be positive. The loop is broken for the moment--and I don’t like me! I want to go back to being the me that has a positive feedback loop!

I need to knit more (knitting is an activity that helps power my positive feed back loop!) but the noise and mess leave me physically and mentally tired. And I get less knitting done (none last night!)—and Tuesday night, I messed up the lace pattern (such a simple pattern! I should be able to do it in my sleep by now)  So now I have to frog back a row –so the sleeve is hovering close to 8 repeats. (the last round of the 8th repeat is where I messed up) but not finished!

Blogging, helps too—but no knitting means nothing much to blog about!

(And I hate blog posts with out photos—and here is my second photo free post in this month (which isn’t even half over!))

Today is a bit better--Little, little things make all the difference—Even this post, (which is pretty negative!) isn’t just an endless rant. I am working on focusing on the positive—and then today, I found a penny --and picked it up.. so all the day, I’ll have good luck!


Emily said...

I think you have done a great job of improving your positive outlook in the last few years. A bump in the road is just a bump, not a road block.

And if you want, I can take you out to dinner this weekend for Mother's day. Any day you want so long as its Saturday.


LICraftgal said...

While being a postive person is great, sometimes you just need to have a "I hate the world day". I think you are quite a postive person, by the way.

Susie said...

I think you have a great attitude all things considered! And I think you may need more than a month to get all your chores accomplished. Good luck and try to enjoy the time off.

Anonymous said...

I think this "vacation" may be just what the doctor ordered!

Might I suggest a complaint box?
Just a little shoebox into which you slide notes about "what is wrong with the world"
--Landlord needs to get a grip.
--Electricty and other utilities need to stay on
--Enough with the dust already

Once you have made your complaint -- it isn't your responsiblity to fix it anymore (oh, and it doesn't matter whether the notes are positive or negative -- the universe "can deal")

Granola-y enough for you?
XXO -- laBou