Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Cut and Paste Cures

There was (is) a meme going round FaceBook yesterday... Cut and paste-- as your status--a 4 line bit about not bullying.

There's the fix! Cut and Paste and make the world better. I didn't (I never do) I don't like cut and paste fixes.

I wish a fix was so easy. I've seen some bullying—as well as proposed bullying—and I've done nothing.
I've watched—and did or said nothing—just watched—as did a bunch of normally, very nice people did nothing, also. Worse, some thought the proposed bullying was a good idea.

It's not something I am proud of—to have done nothing. It's a behavior that I realize I need to confront—and since I have seen some support for the bully—I am afraid, if I stand up and say something, I am not going to even get Cut and Paste support.

It's so much easier to do nothing (its not) It's so much easier to ignore that some behaviors are bullying—Let's just pretend its FUN instead—Let's plan a road trip to have some fun (at the expence of others).

The bully (Ms Alpha dog of the group) suggested just that--a Road Trip—To invade an other groups space and to intimate them. She KNOWS SHE CAN- She knows she is bigger (not really, she is not a big person) strong, faster and all over, superior.
She knows, she can make them cry.
All of this announced at the top of her voice—all said gleefully (Oh the smile, she does have a winning smile!).

Then, the recount of the last time this was done—again the gleeful face, the joyfull affect--how proud she was of her behavior!

And she wasn't alone. She is quite proud of having organized a small posse to bully this another group in the past. To displace them, to make them feel uncomfortable, and other joined in recounting the episode.
It was so much fun, she wants to do it again. To go out of her way, to harrase and intimadate. (Guess she's not getting enough fullfilment where she is.)

Really-- a group of grown women, seeking out to confront another group of grown women to harrase them and intimidate them—in a word, to bully them! So many seconded the idea! Ms Alfpha Dog makes it sound like fun!

I sat frozen—I watch this display and said nothing. Well, of course, she has bullied me--(and no one came to my defence) and yeah, I am sort of afraid of confronting her.

And there is the problem. It's so easy to cut and paste a nice sentiment and think “There, I've done my piece! I have done MY part to end bullying”

And it is easier (I know!), so much easier to confront a single stranger acting a bully. I've done that.

But in a friendly (well supposedly friendly—no wait, not just friendly, but REALLY friends!) group, it's so much harder to stand up, and call out a bully.

Especially when she surrounded by willing minions—eager to do her bidding; Look how she rallies them round!

So much easier to pretend that what is being suggested is FUN (I doubt the women in the other group saw it as fun, or enjoyed the experience) To go along to get along.

I have resolved that I will confront her—should Ms Alpha Dog make the suggestion again and attempt to firm up the details—I will stand up and call her out for behavior.

I need to.

I am not willing to join a cut and paste fix —and I don't want to cut and run either.


Judy said...

Hang in there Helen! The only thing that keeps me from cutting and running when I see that kind of behavior is a quote from Martin Niemoller which ends ". . . When they came for me, there was no one left it speak out." Sad, that we humans act no better than a bunch of chickens or rats.

JelliDonut said...

You have to wonder what awful thing happened to someone to make them think treating people this way is O.K. They are sad and pathetic. Good for you for not willing to aid and abet!

Rebecca Clayton said...

Good luck! When I look back, it's not the times I was humiliated or intimidated that I regret. It's the times I might have stood up for someone else, and failed to do it.

Most alpha dogs got that way by posturing, so I think you have a good chance of success, and I think you'd make a dandy leader of the pack.

Anonymous said...

" yeah, I am sort of afraid of confronting her"

By posting this on the internet, I have a feeling you just did.

Unknown said...

to anonymous-
maybe--maybe not.
1--she may or may not be very active on internet
2--she may or may not read the post
3--she may or may not recognize herself.

zippiknits...sometimes said...

I read your post twice, until it dawned on me that this was in facebook. What is the matter with that woman? And with her minions. This reminds me of teenage gangs, frankly!

I hope that it's been quashed, good on you for trying to end it. Hope it worked.

Anonymous said...

Well, forgive me for playing devil's advocate but I take everything I read on the internet with a grain of salt. I'm only hearing one side of the story.