Thursday, February 14, 2013

Roses are Red,

Violets are blue—Happy Valentine's Day to you.

In addition to violets being blue, me, too. A bit in the dumps—not feeling great—not really sick—but a host of little problems. A minor infection in my eye--(being treated), lots of little pains, in hips, knees and finger joints-not enough to stop—just enough to keep me reminded all the time.

Emotional spend, too. But feeling better. Tuesday knit night I intentionally sat next to Kimberly—who kindness and generosity I admire. I too can be generous—but I confess—I want acknowledgment. I want the  thank you. But I should know better. Some people are takers, and expect things, and never acknowledge. Some are unappreciative. That's their problem, and I am never going to be able to change them—all I can do is change me. (and I DON'T WANT to change!) I resist being generous, without desiring thank you's and appreciation. That's MY PROBLEM.

So I am spent and exhausted fighting with my self--and no doubt, some of this internal conflict is feeding the fires of inflammation that is making me feel so bad—I am, literally—making myself sick over it.

But the worst has past-- I am getting there—I can at least acknowledge my desires—and recognize how my own desires are messing up my life. That's always the first step, isn't it? Shedding the desire is the next step.

But I am keeping some desires—I want to finish my socks, and finish the mohair cowl, and finish the cast on for my shawl--

Gayle—yes, I have talked about the idea of a bottom up shawl—with each row decreasing and getting easier.. And yes, I am documenting the details—so that I can make a pattern from it. And to be honest, the bit of edging I showed the other day was 5 rows—though I will admit—the cast on row to start this edging is a bit unusual--(it's a version of a crochet cast on.. so its not hard –and it could work even with a knit cast on (I don't like it with a knit cast on.. but it could work with one)

I still haven't fully decided on the lace pattern once the cast is done, and then the edging is done too, but I have some ideas. LOTS of ideas!

And today, I will get back to work on making some of these ideas tangible. I will focus on the beauty, and change I can make when I handle yarn. I am good at making these changes!

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