It
started here—with this story.. It continued when Ramona JoyCarmelly linked to that story (see her face book page and scoll down to
the Prom dress controversy (at this posting (blog) the face book post
is over 6 hours
old)which started a lively (but reasoned) discussion.
It
continued (scoll back up) to posting by Marty Coleman—or jump here
Which
prompted me to write this..(if you just read what I have written here--you are sort of coming in at the middle.. At least read the story that started it all.)
Prom—short
for promenade (a noun: A formal dance; a ball; A march of all the
guests at the opening of a ball.
Until
recently—a dance for HS or College graduates.
The
“prom” in the article? For middle school students (8th
graders). 13 years olds.
What
is appropriate for 13/14 year old GIRLS? (or boys, for that matter?)
Girls
is not a word I use lightly—13/14 year old girls are at the edge of
puberty.
Girls
(and boys) on the edge of puberty are at a difficult age. They are
beginning to take on sexual traits--(enlarge breasts, wider hips,
narrow waist for girls, as well as menstruation) and similar/different physical
characteristics for boys ( broad shoulder, muscles, and fully
functioning sexual organs) But—our society (and many others)
realize that in spite of their physical ability to be fully
functioning sexual beings, they are not emotionally or
psychologically ready to function as adults.
For
just this reason, 13/14 olds are not considered to be mature enough
to drive a car, or live on their own, to sign a contract, or (in most
states) old enough to give consent—to either non marital (or
marital!) sex. This is true in civil law and in many religious
canons. (The RC church is not alone to considers 16 years old to be
the age of consent for a girl).
Yes,
I realize many 13 and 14 year old girls are engaging is sex--(another
topic!)
But
legally and traditionally, they have been considered to young to do
so. (And we tend to judge those societies were girls are married off
as pubescent—as cruel and abusive of girls and women)
Is
this old fashioned thinking? Are 13/14 year old girls to be treated
differently than 16, or 17, or 18 year old young women?
Certain
new science shows that the teen years (from about ages 12 to 20)
involve a huge amount of brain grown—that young teens (of both
sexes) are physically incapable of thinking (and acting) the same as
older teens (and that 21 as an age of majority has some real
grounding in science!)
Yet,
here we are—reasonable (am I wrong to think those engaged in this
discussion are reasonable?) are arguing for the right of pubescent
girls to dress up and display their bodies as if they were adults and to do so in a very explicitly sexual way.
HUMANS,
like all animals, have instincts. Unlike most animals, we also have
reason. There are instincts that are part of
sexual arousal. REASON keeps us from acting purely from instinct.
Instinctualy,
humans (both men and woman) see symmetry as beautiful (symmetry is
only skin deep—but it is a clear indication of good physical
health—and signals potential for being capable of bearing healthy
children)
Instinctualy,
humans see broad hips (in the context of a narrow waist) as an other
clear indication of good physically health (and a signal for being
capbabile of bearing healthy children.)
Instictualy,
clear skin is another measure of good health--(ask any one with
acne!)
When aroused, both men and woman exhibit some classic responses.
The
lips (on the face and the “lip's” of woman's genitals get
red--and slightly swollen)
For
men, it is the lips and the penis--and for a man's penis, it goes from slightly to very swollen--very fast!)
Like
wise, the pupil of the human eye dilates—which make the eyes look bigger and
darker.
So
lets look again at the 'prom' dresses/girls attire. Narrow bodices
(tightly fitted at least) –that accentuate (or create the illusion of) full hips.. Lots of
exposed skin. The girls will also likely be wearing make up..
mascara, eye shadow, and perhaps eye liner—to make there eyes look
bigger and darker (as they might be when aroused), lipstick, too, to
darken, and accentuate the lips (making them look bigger)-- High
heels complete the outfit—and these change her posture—and thrust
her hip forward (in to a sexual position)
Combined,
the effect are a collection of visual signals of sexual arousal and
availability.
It
this appropriate for 13/14 year old girls? Do we really want them
promenading about announcing their sexual arousal and
availability?(at a dance? At any time?)
WE
denounce societies that treat 13 and 14 years girls as ready for
marriage—but we seem to be willing to fight to the death to allow
our 13 and 14 year old girls to project themselves as sexually mature and aroused. More mature than they really are.
Part
of rape culture is an attitude that men and boys can't be
REASONABLE—and can only act on instinct—an argument I reject.
Men and boys are HUMAN, and as humans, can act responsibly and
reasonably (if if they do at times have an instictually response to
certain stimuli)--and I believe most men do--Boys? well its harder for teens to make reasoned decisions--see that thing about their brains not being fully functional!-- but still, I think most boys do.
But
another part of rape culture is an attitude the woman are MOST
valuable as sex object available for pleasuring men. (And secondarily, as thing to gestate children.)
Unfortunately, we all (men and women alike) often buy into this. WE CHOSE to wear high heels that thrust our hips
forward (and arc our bodies into an upright sexual postion!) WE Chose
to wear clothing that reveals lots of skin (and shows how healthy we
are for breading!) We redden our lips, and darken our eyes—and
emulate sexual arousal. We act as if our only value was our physical
appearance, our sexual body and ability to get pregnant. Woman buy into the idea that being beautiful (and sexy) is vital. Not all women, but many, many women.
WE
start training girls at a young age (see Toddlers and Tiaras) to the
idea that they should measure their value by their looks—and that the that best way to looks is ready for sex—to the point of looking
sexual aroused all of the time.
Media,
(TV, movies, magazines) re-enforces the message. We pay lip service
to the value of education, sports and other aspects of our humanity.
No,
the girls don't (shouldn't!) wear burka or cloth sacks to the dance
(and yes, it should be a dance, not a prom). The girls should dress
like girls. Not like sexual aroused and ready to go sex objects.
Yes,
the boys should be taught to respect girls and woman (and not to act
like animals and use animal instincts as an excuse—because
instinctual urges are not an excuse.)
Yes,
we need to change the culture of our society—we need to change how
men view woman.. but we also need to change how we woman view women.
Yes, we are sexual beings. Yes, we should be in control of our
bodies, our thoughts and our actions.
And
we need to be in control of our children, too. We need to protect
them from them selves at times. We recognize that our 13 and 14 year
children are not of an age to sign a contract, or to drive a car, or
to drink alcohol. We also need to recognize that they are not ready
to consent to or engage in most sexual behavior. And we need to stop
thinking is OK for them to dress and act in ways that present the
message that the most valuable part of them, is their sexual nature. We need to step up and change the culture. Not just as it present the world to boys and men, but how it presents girls and woman. If we see our selves and value our selves most as sexual object--how can we expect men to do differently? Rape culture exist not just because of men, but because of women, too.
There are pressures on boys, too, in our society--and these are just as real, (very different, but there!) and
these too need to be addressed. (but that's another essay!).
