Saturday, August 06, 2016

Anxiety

Made tangible.

Almost 25 years ago, I was newly divorced,  working full time, going to school full time, and planning a trip to Japan (to see my sister, who lives there)

In addition, I was going to counseling, twice a week.  As I finished up my last  credits, I was especially anxious--School (college) had filled my life --and ease my passage from being married to being single.  What was I going to do with my life with out school to fill up all the non working hours of the day?

Well Knitting for sure.  In the last two weeks of school (finals, basically) I started this afghan--finished size is 58 inches by 78 inches (slightly larger than the top of a full sized bed) As it neared completion, I took it to my doctor, and told her, I was using knitting to deal with all the anxiety of school ending, and my upcoming trip to Tokyo-- (I finished the whole thin in under 3 weeks)

I told her, this blanket represented  is the size and scope of my anxiety.  I told her how I use knitting as a coping mechanism for dealing with anxiety.

She smiled--and we agreed, I had the ability to turn my anxiety into something beautiful (and I said tangelable, too)

The knitting did its work, and I coped--I did well. I finished up and graduated with a 3.87GPA,  I also had a happy blanket to keep me warm.

Alas, times changes things..  The blanket suffered some damage,(the image is just one of several holes)  and it is no longer a thing of beauty.. I don't have any yarn left from this project, and while I could make some visible repairs, the truth is the blanket served it purpose.  I no longer need it.  I no longer need it to hold my anxiety, and keep it locked up.   I still knit--it has become a part of my life.  It still is useful for relieving anxiety--but I don't often feel as anxious as I did those many years ago.

So this is a bit of requiem for the blanket and the anxiety The transformative properties of knitting, worked there magic.  It is a tangibly  reminder of who I once was--but no longer am.  It served its purpose, and now it, (and I ) are changed.  It is time to let it go.

Good by.